1. Have you ever been in a situation where you had to say something not completely true “to avoid hurting or offending another person, to emphasize their best qualities, to avoid getting into a conflict, or to speed up or slow down a relationship”? How did that experience affect your relationship with the other person?
Yes, I have been in that situation. I am not a very frank person, so at times, I really get stuck in a situation like that and I always have no choice, but it actually depends on the person. If I am very close to that person that I have been with him/her for years, I may be very frank with him/her.
However, it also depends on the situation. What if he’s really depressed and saying something true may lower down his/her self-esteem? It will take time for me to tell him/her the truth if he/she is close to me, well if there is really a need to tell him/her when time comes. If I am very close to that person, I think my relationship with him/her will not really change. In my experience before, I wasn’t really able to tell my friend the truth, but our relationship wasn’t affected because we didn’t really deal on a serious situation.
If ever I get into a serious situation and I don’t tell the truth, I think my relationship with that someone won’t change, it will just my perception or my conscience that will bother me, and if ever I tell him/her after awhile, I know that he/she will get disappointed because I kinda’ lied to him/her. I think our relationship won’t be the same again, except if I promise that I’ll be very honest to him/her next time and if i will really do what i promised.
2. Do you find yourself making such statements in all your interpersonal relationships or only in some? Which interpersonal relationship do you find yourself making such statements often? What kind of statements: falsifications, concealments, or equivocations? And what kind of message characteristics: uncertainty and vagueness; non-immediacy, reticence, and withdrawal; disassociation; and image- and relationship-protecting behavior?
Well, I make equivocations, and reticence at times when I am stuck in a situation that leaves me with no choice and in a situation where I think will harm me if I tell the truth or If I really tell something. Of course, there is nothing wrong in telling the truth. It is even wrong when you lie, but there are really instances in out lives where we have no choice but not to be frank. There are even times when I just don’t comment on something so that I won’t be in harm or give harm to the person.
3. Have you ever been on the receiving end of what you think were deceptive messages? Were you able to spot these messages? How accurate were you in spotting these messages? What tipped you off that the other person was not being truthful? How did that affect your relationship with that person, both in the short- and long-term?
I remember one instance where a friend of mine wasn’t truthful. I think we were talking about our love lives, well about me not having a “love life” at all. I kinda’ asked her why I still didn’t have someone. At first, she was a bit frank, but I but-in in her statement, and I think that made her not tell the truth. Well, I just accepted what she said and we continued with our conversation. While still conversing with her, I knew that that think she said was not true, but because I know that I made her say something that won’t disappoint me and I know what’s really inside of her, I just didn’t mind that she didn’t tell the truth. Our relationship didn’t change.
4. In your experience, either as the sender and/or receiver of interpersonal deceptive messages, would you agree with all or only some of the 18 propositions of David Buller and Judee Burgoon? Explain.
I agree with only some of the 18 proportions of David Buller and Judee Burgoon. The other proportions they mentioned were biased and can’t be applied in my personal experiences in not telling the truth.
5. Would you agree that, as the sender and/or the receiver of interpersonal deceptive messages, you were an active participant (for receivers, you were not just a passive listener even if you did not harbor any suspicions) in the deception? Why or why not?
Yes, I am an active participant in the deception as the sender, and as the receiver especially in the experience I shared in #3. I made my friend not tell me the truth. Of course, it is still my friend’s responsibility to choose whether to tell the truth or not, but she was still stuck in a hard situation.
6. Would you also agree that, as the sender and/or the receiver of interpersonal deceptive messages, you engaged in strategic deception: doing complex mental tasks while simultaneously monitoring nonverbal leakage? Why or why not?
Yes, I agree with that. There’s a big possibility that as a receiver, I may think that I am only deceived, and if I am the sender, I may think of more ways on hiding the truth that can harm my receiver or me.
7. Would you agree that deception is usually successful because of our ”truth bias,” our uncertainty about nonverbal leakage, and the sender’s constant adjustment to our suspicions? Why or why not?
As a receiver, we don’t really judge the sender right away especially if we are close to him/her. We don’t show that sender that we are suspicious. I remember one instance where I know I am already deceived by someone but because that person is my friend and I don’t want our relationship to change, I make her believe that I believe and that she was successful in her deception, but without her knowing, her deception is not really successful. In that case, I was already the one who was deceiving her. I made her believe that I believed her.
8. Would you subscribe to Buller and Burgoon’s complicated theory or to Steven McCormack’s simple model of deception? Why?
I think I would subscribe to Steven McCormack’s simple model of deception because I can very well relate to it. At times, I deceive people, especially friends under a certain circumstance and the deception doesn’t make a difference whether I mean it or not.
9. Do you also agree with Bella DePaulo’s critique that Buller and Burgoon’s theory lacks an “explanatory glue”? Why? If no, what “explanatory glue” would you provide?
I agree with Bella DePaulo’s critique because although David Buller and Judee Burgoon created a good theory, the theory they made still lack explanation. They lack suggestions about deceiving.
10. In our study of deception, why do you think are communication scholars relatively silent about its moral implications?
I think our communication scholars are silent about deception’s moral implications because not all people can be successful in applying their suggestions. I think we don’t really need those implications on deception because we are truly the ones who are responsible with our actions and we are the one involved in that situation. We can only help ourselves in our deception. We have our own technique in deceiving.
11. Which ethical stand would you require of others: Kant’s, Augustine’s, or Bok’s? How about for yourself?
I would require others and myself Sissela Bok’s stand. I also agree with St. Augustine and Immanuel Kant that lying is really bad, but in my opinion, there are a lot of exemptions to that. In the previous questions, I shared my experiences as a sender of deception and the reasons why I didn’t tell the truth. My reasons were all about circumstances and situations where I have to choice but not to tell the truth so that I won’t bring harm to the person.